Who to call ....  The Proctologist  or  The Ophthalmologist?? 

A man with a glass eye had been out for a night on the town.  Being the worst for wear, when he stumbled into bed, he dropped his glass eye into his drinking water on the bed table.  During the night, he drank the water and swallowed the eye.

A day or so later he was suffering from severe constipation, so he went to his local M.D.  The doctor inserted his proctoscope and muttered under his breath, "Good grief, I've looked up plenty of assholes before, but this is the first one to ever look back at me."